Joe's Diary
by Kaeera
Summary: For Princess of Quake - Joe is depressed and writes his emotions in a diary...


Joe's diary

> _A short Joe-fiction...not much to say about it....___
> 
> _I don't own Joe or Digimon. :)_   
  
  

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>> > > > > > > ****
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> JOE'S DIARY**__**
> 
> _ Dedicated to Princess of Quake_

  
  
  


Hello Diary...I don't know how to start, because I never wrote a diary before, and for me it is pretty senseless to say 'Hello' to a book.   
I am usually not the person who writes a diary, you know.   
Diary's are something for little girls who write down poems about their love.   
But I remembered a sentence my brother told me long time ago: "Whenever you don't know a solution, then write a diary – write down your personal thoughts, your feelings. Write down your deepest soul; and when you read the words again, your mind will become clearer and you'll understand things which you didn't understand before."   
I will follow this suggestion. My problem is: Who am I?   
It's not that I don't know who I am in the usual sense – I am Joe Kido, 14 years old and I want to become a doctor.   
This are the facts - well, but sometimes I have the impressions that I am only an empty bottle. Why?   
There's nothing really good to say about me, not? I am a pessimist, I can't take things easy, I don't laugh very often, I am frightened and I am nerving.   
Is that all what you can say about me?   
It's pretty frustrating, and that's the reason why I started this diary. I wanna see clearer about myself.   
I want to find a reason so that I can be proud of myself!   
Sometimes I wonder what the others think about me. Well, I can imagine it:   
For Tai I am a stupid pessimist who has never fun   
For Mimi I am the boring boy with glasses who should be ignored   
For Matt I am a coward.   
For Izzy I am...I don't know. Definitely nothing good either.   
I am too tired, I will stop now.   
I have no idea how this things I wrote down can help me...   
Bye, until tomorrow – and thanks for listening(how stupid, I say 'Thanks' to a piece of paper)

Joe   
  
  
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_Hello Joe. It's me, your brother. I am sorry that I have read your diary, but I was worried about you – you seem to be so depressed the last time._   
_And when I noticed this book on the table...well, I remembered this sentence as well._   
_I write now to tell you that all the things you wrote before aren't true._   
_But you won't believe me, I know that._   
_So, I have a suggestion. Give this diary to your friends, one after another. Let them write down 'answer letters' to your entry._   
_So you will know what they think about you. And maybe that will give you an answer to your question. Because friends can tell you many things about yourself!_   
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Dear brother,   
first I was really angry that you have read my diary. But I thought about your suggestion and I think that I will do it.   
Can you please give Tai my diary at first?   
He is our leader, it would interest me to know what he thinks about me.   
The truth can be shocking and hurting, but please Tai: Tell the truth.   
Point out my negative and my positive sides(if there are any positive)   
This diary will be yours.   
  
  
  
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_Hi Joe!___

_Well, I don't know how to begin – you know, I am not that good in writing, I am more the sports man._   
_Okay, first I should say that nothing of the things you mentioned above is true!_   
_You don't believe me?_   
_First I thought that of you – that you are a swot, a coward, someone who complains about everything and a looser in sports._   
_This are the impressions which everyone has of you first, but don't be sad about that._   
_Deep inside you are very brave, aren't you?_   
_You stayed with us until the end – not everyone would have managed that._   
_And you helped me a lot, like Matt did. I make my decisions without thinking, and if you and Mimi wouldn't have complained or Matt wouldn't have argued with me, there would have been much more troubles._   
_Being a pessimist isn't that bad, you know. Okay, you have been a VERY big pessimist, but therefore Gomamon was your digimon partner, not? I have never seen a guy who is more optimistic and happier than him._   
_What would he say if he would read the things you wrote?_   
_Joe, I can't express it good what I wanted to tell you. You are my friend. You are a member of the Digidestined, and that makes you special.___

_Tai_   
  
  
  


Tai, thank you, your words were nice, but they didn't make my mood better.   
I have been chosen as a Digidestined, I am the child of responsibility. But what's that – _responsibility_?? Is this the only skill I have?   
And I was never brave – I was trembling of fear, I didn't want to fight.   
Yeah, Gomamon...I didn't like him at first, he wasn't serious enough. But he made me laughing. He is a good friend.   
You call me a friend, Tai, but am I a friend?   
What's the meaning of friendship? I can't understand it – it isn't logical.   
When I don't understand it, how can I be a friend then?   
  
  


H_ello Joe,___

_it's me, Matt. I can understand your feelings, really, I can. Do you remember the time I went away from the team when we were in the Digital World?_   
_I had the same problems which you have right now. My crest is friendship, you know._   
_And trust me, you are a friend, Joe. But the meaning of friendship can't be explained in words. Friendship is something similar to Love. They exist, but you cannot buy them in a shop – or get them by learning hard. That is your problem – you think too logical._   
_You have to accept that friendship is something very special, very important._   
_Try to be a good friend – listen to the people, laugh with them, help them. Everyone has his own way to be a friend. Some support you, others make you laugh or cheer you up._   
_What is your way, Joe? Find it out!_   
_You saved the life of my brother. I will never forget that! And you say that you aren't brave? Damn – you rescued TK and nearly sacrificed your own life! When you call that cowardly, then you act really stupid, do you? Although we don't meet very often, I am your friend and you are mine._   
_You call yourself a failure?_   
_Why?_   
_You are good in school (very good!)._   
_You have very good friends (me included)._   
_You rescued the World!_   
_You are the child of responsibility._   
_You aren't selfish or nasty._   
_So many good sides of you – don't you see them?___

_You don't, I know. But believe me, sometimes your friends know your about you than you do._   
_Maybe this words will help you, maybe not. I've no idea._   
_I don't mind if you are a coward or a swot – you are my friend._   
_Just remember that wherever you go, okay?_   
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_Matt_   
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Matt, you made me thinking – my good sides, huh? Well, thanks for pointing them out. And thanks for the explanation of friendship.   
I don't know the meaning of friendship yet, the real meaning, but I will find it out – hopefully.   
Thanks for being my friend, Matt.   
There's another problem...it's the doctor thing.   
Do I really want to become a doctor? I don't know. Is it my wish or the wish of my father? Why can't I see clearer in this?   
Why do I want to become a doctor? This questions follow me during the days.

What is the thing I _really_ want?

I have no future dreams. Not now. Do you know what I wanted to become when I was 5 years old? You won't believe it....I wanted to become a bus driver! I liked the huge cars.   
I soon realised that that's not a good job for me, and then came the doctor idea.   
Was it me or my father who invented this idea?

I wish I wouldn't be so unsure. Why can't I have ONE dream, and force all powers to make this dream come true?   
Maybe because I don't dream very often – I mean daydreaming. I have no imagination, no fantasy.   
Boring.   
I am so boring.   
And I feel so unneeded.   
  
  
  


_Joe, what are you writing?_   
_You are boring when you think that you are boring, so stop thinking that, okay?_   
_By the way, it's me, Sora. I read all the things of Matt and Tai and the stupid words you wrote._   
_I am sorry that you feel depressed, but everyone has such a phase in his life._   
_You think that you are useless, that no one needs you, but that isn't true!_   
_There are many people who need you – your parents, your brother, your friends._   
_I am sure that you have a future dream. You haven't searched for it properly._   
_You should think: what is the main reason to become a doctor?_   
_Some do it because of the money, others of the fame, others because their parents want them._   
_Maybe your father wants you to become a doctor, but I think deep in your heart you wanna become one, too._   
_You wanna be a doctor because you can **help** people then._   
_You aren't a person who does things only for money or fame, are you?_   
_You will be a wonderful doctor._   
_And if you'll find another dream in your future, then make it true. Become a bus driver, if that's your dream. Do the things you want! Don't care what other people say._   
_When you don't know what you want, then look in your heart. It can tell you things your brain can't, that's the same with the friendship._   
_The world isn't logical, Joe.___

_Sora_   
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I am confused – I have to think about the things you wrote...maybe I shouldn't think too much, because 'the world isn't logical', how you said.   
When I read your entry, Sora, I remembered an old memory:

It happened when I was 8 years old. I was walking home from school. Some other kids of my class played in the park – they climbed in the trees and did the usual stuff.   
Suddenly someone screamed, and I heard a loud noise.   
Marina had fallen down a tree and was lying on the ground, unconscious.   
Everybody ran towards her and tried to wake her up. "Don't move her!", I shouted when I reached the others, trying to remember some of the things my father had told me about first Aid. "Someone has to call an ambulance!", I cried and searched for her pulse.   
But no one made any movement – they were too shocked. So I told Tom, Marina's brother, to watch that nobody would touch her and ran for a telephone box on myself.   
I called the ambulance, and five minutes the doctor was there.   
I watched him doing his work – that was the first time I wished that I could be a doctor on my own. Then I could help Marina, and all the other kids who have accidents.   
I hated this feeling of helplessness, when you can't do anything than waiting – waiting for an ambulance. >>

Sora, you are right...I didn't want to become a doctor because my father wanted me.   
I want it because I don't want to be helpless anymore.   
  
Thank you   
  
  
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_Hi Joe___

_Seems as if you are feeling a little bit better now, huh?_   
_Well, maybe you don't need my help anymore...I actually have no idea how the fashion-girl Mimi could help you._   
_You are silly Joe, do you know that?_   
_I am the child of sincerity, and I will tell you very sincerely your positive and negative sides.___

_Negative:_   
_- coward_   
_- always complaining(I shouldn't write that because I always complain, too, but it's negative, so it belongs on this list)_   
_- pessimistic_   
_- swot_   
_- sometimes boring___

_positive___

_- a loyal friend_   
_- responsible_   
_- swot( yeah, you can see that positive, too – that means that you have the strong will to reach something)_   
_- careful_   
_- thinking before acting_   
_- brave when you are needed___

_Joe, I first didn't like you very much – you have been just so boring!_   
_But I changed my mind. I liked it to have someone who complained as much as I did._   
_It was like we have been companions against the whole team._   
_The others have been so strong, I mean they had such a strong will._   
_I have a strong will, too, but I didn't notice it, like you didn't._   
_Everyone of us has his own abilities, his own skills, which make him special and individual._   
_It's like the others said: the world isn't logical, and so isn't your heart._   
_Sometimes you should stop thinking with your head – think with your heart._   
_You have a good heart, Joe._   
_You only ignore it._   
_Listen to it._   
_And you aren't boring! Okay, you don't have a good taste in clothes, but that's not all!(If you want, we can go shopping together, then I will search some good clothes for you!)_   
_How funny....Did you ever expected that Mimi would say these words???_   
_There you notice how much we have grown up._   
_You have grown up, too, and maybe that's a reason why you feel unsure about yourself._   
_It was a good idea to write this diary, really, I will keep it in my mind, maybe I will need it sometimes._   
_The advises we all give you are good, but you have to find your own way. Listen to your friends and your heart, okay?___

_Your sincere friend___

_Mimi___

_PS: Some last words which I forgot: Why do you think it is so bad to have fear?_   
_Fear can be very useful._   
_There is a very wise sentence my grandmother told me once:_   
_The one, who has no fear is an idiot._   
_The one, who has fear and runs away from it, a coward._   
_And the one, who has fear and fights nevertheless, a hero._   
_I think there is much truth in this sentence, and you should think about it._   
  
  
  


Wow!   
Was it Mimi who wrote this words?   
You are right, I never expected to hear (or read) such words from you.   
But what's wrong about my clothes taste? Hmpf! But we can go shopping together. I would like that!

In fact, I don't feel depressed anymore.   
Only a little bit....

Maybe that's normal, I am a pessimistic and depressive guy.   
Thanks you all for being my friends.   
I know that I can be nerving, pessimistic and that I complain too much.   
But well...I think that's me, not?   
  
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_Joe_   
_Again, it's me, your brother, who found your diary on the table._   
_I am happy that you are over your depressions._   
_I think the biggest depression goes away when you have friends, not? And don't forget me, your brother._   
_I think you should keep this diary, as a memory – when you every feel depressed and think that you are a failure, then read all the nice things your friends wrote about you._   
_I could be a little bit jealous: you have so good friends which I never had._   
_I wonder why you feel unlucky then – okay, everyone feels unhappy from time to time._   
_I don't know a good last sentence. You know, such a sentence which tells you a good Happy End – because it didn't end yet. Life goes onwards. and your friends will be on your side!_   
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You stole again this diary?   
You are a terrible brother, do you know that?   
Okay, I think this is the time to make a last point to Joe's Diary.   
I don't have the time to write more – today is the shopping day, I am looking forward what Mimi will find for me (I bet it will be pink! Horrible!).   
Thanks you piece of paper for listen me.   
Thanks to my friends and my brother.   
Thanks to Gomamon, just for being my friend.   
Thank you.

And now it's the time for shopping!!! ....oh my god.....   
  


THE END   
  
  
  
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_Okay, okay, that was a loosy fic, I know*sniffles*_   
_I wanted to make it better, but I noticed that my English isn't good enough for that. So, I am sorry, Princess of Quake, I only wrote rubbish...Well, I tried it, so please don't be angry*hides behind her chair*_   
_It's just that I don't like Joe very much, it is very difficult to delve into his head, isn't it? No, not that I don't **like** him, but he's so difficult to describe. Argh, again I write only rubbish. Maybe that's because of the hot weather....Anyway, thanks for giving me an idea!_   
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_Kaeera_   
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